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My eighth-grade educated mother understood this principle very
well and said it to me many, many times as a boy: "A cup of honey
will draw more flies than a bucket of gall." Despite this age-old
truth, the tendency of parents is to use negative, coercive, or
punitive means to stop or eliminate a behavior.
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The better way, the way that has more lasting and beneficial results,
is to take advantage of the many opportunities that occur every
day to attach a positive consequence to an appropriate behavior.
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That positive consequence can come in the form of a hug, a kiss,
a pat on the back, a word of encouragement and praise, a smile,
a wink, a token in a jar or a point on a good behavior record.
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| A positive home is one where parents smile at their children, laugh
with their children, have lots of positive and appropriate physical
interactions with their children, and talk to their children in pleasant,
supportive, nonjudgmental ways. |
| But what is really wonderful about this approach is that when used
appropriately and consistently, the incidence of inappropriate behavior
goes down dramatically while the incidence of appropriate behavior
increases dramatically and maintains. |
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There is an economy in child rearing, a price we must pay. Either
we remain solvent with positives or we are forever in debt and even
bankrupted with negatives; positives that produce low-risk families
or negatives that produce high-risk families.
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