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Clearly communicate your expectations to your children. This includes
a clear description of those behaviors that will get your attention.
This is typically taught best in a role-playing setting.
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| At the outset, make certain your children understand exactly what
you expect of them. I'm continually amazed, as I visit with parents
and their children who are having problems, at how unsure children
are of what their parents expect, and how those expectations change
given the mood of the situation. |
| When the child says to a parent, "I didn't know what you wanted
me to do!" and the parent angrily responds, "What do you mean you
didn't know what I wanted? What are you, stupid?" I know there is
a serious communication problem concerning expectations. |
| Suppose, for example, that you expect your children to come to the
dinner table when called. Rather than simply saying, "When I call
you for dinner, I want you to come immediately. Now, do you understand
that?" Instead, say, "When I call you for dinner, I want you
to come immediately. So when do we expect you to come to the table
for dinner?" |
| All of this shouldn't take more than a few minutes. Don't drag it
out. Make it brief and make it crisp then let the children be on their
way. Don't be concerned if the children don't agree with you. Agreeing
is not that important, assuming that your expectations are reasonable.
But their understanding of your expectations is important. |
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