Correcting

Undesired

Behavior

with positive results
 

When children lie or steal, it isn't because they are liars or thieves in the moral sense of the word. They aren't moral degenerates. In fact, to most children, especially young children, lying or stealing isn't a moral issue at all, it's a functional matter: They are doing it for a reason. To them, a practical reason. As parents, we might gasp in horror and shock that our children would say or take something knowing full well it was wrong! To the child, the moral reality of the matter might very well be absolutely irrelevant. If a child doesn't tell the truth or takes something that isn't his/hers, it is important to remember not to deal with it as a complex moral issue. To do that puts an unreasonable adult burden on an almost moral-free childish behavior.

Having said that, I realize that the older a child gets the more lying and stealing become moral issues, and the more complex they become. But whether you are dealing with a small child or an older adolescent child who lies/steal, some basic rules apply.

1. Never accuse a child of lying or stealing.

2. Never question the child about lying or stealing.

3. Do not overreact to lying or stealing.

Rather:

1. Respond proactively.

2. Make your expectations known.

3. Implement consequences.

4. Acknowledge appropriate behavior.

5. Model appropriate behavior.

6. Teach appropriate behavior.

Product References

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The Power of Positive Parenting (book); pp 231-238