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Correcting Undesired Behavior with positive results
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 Read detailed explanations, examples, and role-playing experiences in the parent's manual to raising children in a positive way, The Power of Positive Parenting. |
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Child Behavior Topic of Tattling |
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When children tattle, they are really engaging in a childish form of gossip. I once heard a gossip defined as a person who never tells a lie if the truth will do as much harm. And that's what tattling is: truth designed to bring harm to someone. Tattlers almost always tell the truth, and are virtually always out to do harm. Tattling is a behavior that should certainly not be given credibility. Here are some things you can do to discourage and even eliminate tattling. 1. If a child comes to you tattling on someone, say simply, calmly, but directly, something like this: "I don't like it when you talk like that. I expect you to never talk like that again. Billy, the next time you feel like saying things like that, what are you going to do?" 2. Then wait for an answer. The answer should be something like, "I'm not going to do it. I'm just not going to say anything." If necessary, continue questioning until you get the answer you want. When you do get the acceptable answer, say: "That's correct, Billy. Thank you. Good answer. That's exactly what I expect. You just aren't going to do it. You aren't going to say anything. I'm really proud of you for that!" 3. Your response should (a) show approval of the correct answer, (b) repeat what the child said which reflects your expectations, and (c) let the child know how you feel about him for his correct behavior. 4. Once the expectations are clearly established, and you are certain they are understood, it is time to discuss consequences. Ask the child to repeat back to you what will happen if they lose control. Emphasize that it is his/her loss of control that deprives them of valuable privileges. As with behavior generally, children tend to behave appropriately when they understand what is expected of them and when they are aware of the consequences for appropriate and inappropriate behavior. Tattling should not be confused with whistle-blowing, which is a socially approved way of behaving in behalf of the common good. Product References Find more detailed examples, role-playing, experiences, and explanations in audio, visual, and printed media on our Products page.. The Power of Positive Parenting (book); pp 227-229 |
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